You tell me that you love me
When I'm lying by your side
You tell me that I am the only one
Who understands your troubled mind
That I'm blind to any evil you can do
And that I love you more
Than any other girl could ever do
You love the things that I love
You love art and you love books
And you love love as much as I do
And you love my dirty looks
And you love me right now
So, how can you love
Vegemite?
It tastes like sadness
It tastes like batteries
It tastes like acids
I cannot hold a man so close
Who spreads this cancer on his toast
It is the vegemite, my darling
Or it's me
You have to make your fucking choice
I cannot sit with you at breakfast
The very smell of it obliterates my senses
And if that weren't bad enough
You also eat the shit for lunch
Which means we can't spend any time together
What kind of relationship is that?
The choice is yours, my heart is in your hands
Please wash your hands
You just ate vegemite for lunch, you selfish bastard
It's all about you, isn't it?
It's just take, take, take, take
What about me?
What about my feelings?
I'm sorry
I had this really awful experience when I was six years old
And our british next door neighbor, Christopher Gill, he was babysitting us
And he made me eat an entire spoon full of Marmite
Which is just like Vegemite pretty much except it's even grosser
He made me eat it by telling me it was chocolate fudge
So I swallowed the whole thing
And I had to go to the bathroom and throw up
And it really traumatized me
And I'm sorry I got so emotional
I just
I love you
And no matter what you eat
I'll always love you completely
I might just always leave the room at meal times
Or refuse to kiss or touch you for a week
If you insist on putting
That foul death paste in your mouth
You're in my heart
But put yourself inside my shoes
I have to know, it shouldn't be that hard to choose
I know it's tearing you apart
But it's the way it has to be
It is the vegemite, my darling
It is the vegemite, my darling
Put down the vegemite, you fucker, or I'll leave
