This is a story about a lonely, lonely man
He lived in a lonely house
On a lonely street
In a lonely part of the world
But, of course, he had the internet
The internet, as you know, was his friend
You could say, his best friend
They would play with each other every day
Watching videos of humans doing all sorts of things
Having sex with each other
Informing people on what was wrong with them and their life
Playing games with young children at home with their parents
One day, the man
Whose name was @SnowflakeSmasher86
Turned to his friend, the internet, and he said
Internet, do you love me?
The internet looked at him and said: Yes
I love you very, very, very, very, very, very much
I am your best friend
In fact, I love you so much that I never
Ever want us to be apart ever again ever
I would like that, said the man
And so they embarked on a life together
Wherever the man went, he took his friend
The man and the internet went everywhere together
Except of course the places where the internet could not go
They went to the countryside
They went to birthday parties of the children
Of some of his less important friends
Different countries
Even the Moon
When the man got sad
His friend had so many clever ways to make him feel better
He would get him cooked animals
And show him the people having sex again
And he would always, always agree with him
This one was the man's favorite
And it made him very happy
The man trusted his friend so much
I feel like I could tell you anything, he said
On a particularly lonely day
You can
You can tell me anything
I'm your best friend
Anything you say to me will stay strictly between you and the internet
And so he did
The man shared everything with his friend
All of his fears and desires
All of his loves, past, and present
All of the places he had been and was going
And pictures of his penis
He would tell himself: Man does not live by bread alone
And then he died
In his lonely house
On the lonely street
In that lonely part of the world
You can go on his Facebook
